


Workplace guidelines

by Stlesismylover



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/M, Getting Together, I'm Hen, M/M, They Are Idiots, i guess, overuse of the word dick, tag yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28833642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stlesismylover/pseuds/Stlesismylover
Summary: Nº 79- Don’t stare at your coworker’s dick in the shower.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 81
Kudos: 320





	Workplace guidelines

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SophEliza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophEliza/gifts).



> Soph, I had to.   
> This is what happens when we make one stupid joke and take it too far.  
> Pure crack for you all!  
> Enjoy!

Buck is bi. He’s known it since he was fourteen. And he doesn’t keep it a secret, everyone around him knows he doesn’t have a problem with gender. He’s attracted to the body, the personality, and for a long time now Eddie Diaz has been the embodiment of his attraction.

Okay, maybe is more than attraction but that’s not the point. There’s no reason to analyze further those feelings because nothing will come out of it. Buck had given up on the idea of them being together a long time ago, he has settled for being Eddie’s best friend and it is enough. Because Eddie is straight, at least he hasn’t said otherwise, and Buck’s gaydar hasn’t beeped. So, Buck hasn’t even considered the idea of Eddie being anything other.

Until today.

The thing with today is that everyone in LA is acting stupider than usual and the heat is insufferable. They’ve just returned from a call at a kid’s birthday party where the father of the birthday’s boy lost control of the grill. Just a small fire and crowd control, easy enough. But the high temperatures, the running children, and the fire got all of them sweating.

And this is how it starts. Chim, Buck, and Eddie are in the showers, washing away the soot and the heat with cold water. The showers are in an open room with six showerheads installed on the walls. That’s it, there’s not even a shelf to put the soap.

The three of them are minding their own business, used to showering with more people. Just keep your eyes up and don’t stare. That’s the unwritten rule. No need to write it down because everyone knows it and respects it.

So, when Eddie’s gaze flickers downward to Buck’s body, Buck freezes. The fuck.

His heart starts beating harder in his chest, and not even the cold water can calm down the heat pooling in his stomach. He wants to turn around, suddenly self-conscious, but if Eddie wants to stare, fuck it, he will let him.

So he goes on with his shower, daring Eddie to look again, stretching his body while he washes the shampoo from his hair. And Eddie looks again. 

Buck doesn’t know what this means. Does Eddie want him? Is that even possible? Maybe Eddie is just figuring something out… Who knows?

But, you know, fair is fair, and if Eddie has looked at him, he is entitled to do so too. That’s also an unspoken rule he just decided is a real thing. So, he does, he gazes at Eddie’s body, marveling at his sharp edges, his toned muscles, and his tanned skin. He tears his eyes away before it gets too obvious.

It doesn’t go unnoticed by Eddie, who flinches under the attention but doesn’t turn around. And that’s the moment when something sparks in Buck’s heart. Because maybe Eddie is not as straight as he thought, and maybe… maybe he wants Buck.

He keeps showering, trying to keep it casual, even if Eddie’s eyes land on his body more than once, and his on Eddie’s.

He’s so lost in his thoughts he forgets Chim is right there, looking between them with a pained expression.

oOoOo

Maddie comes home after a long shift at the call center. She toes off her shoes and sits on the couch, where Chim’s computer is open. She doesn’t mean to, but she can’t help it when she reads the five open tabs. Her eyes go wide.

Why is Chim reading about penis sizes?

She gets up, confused, and moves around the apartment searching for her man. She finds him in their bedroom, naked and staring at his reflection in the mirror.

“Care to tell me what’s going on?”, she says, trying to contain her laughter.

Chim turns around, looking frustrated, he groans, “Is my dick wrong?”

What. “What?”

“We were showering after a call and no one would look at my dick,” he whines. Maddie bites the inside of her cheek, her boyfriend is seriously concerned here, she can’t laugh.

“Baby, your dick is fine,” Maddie says honestly. 

“Is it small?” Chim stares at his reflection once again, “According to four sources is bigger than average, but one says it’s smaller.”

“Well, numbers are on your side,” she snorts.

“Maddie, this is serious.”

She takes pity on him and walks to him, rounding her hands around his waist, “Chim, your dick is beautiful. I really like it.”

Chim sighs, leaning against Maddie, “But why won’t they look at it?”

Maddie kisses his neck and manages to distract him from those thoughts, showing him her opinion of his body.

It’s not until later that night, after a round of amazing sex, that Maddie really starts worrying, because Chim is still thinking about it. So, not knowing what else to do, she goes to the bathroom and texts her brother:

**I need you to look at Chim’s dick in the showers**

**what**

**the**

**actual**

**fuck**

**Maddie**

**pls do it**

**Is this some weird kink I don’t want to know?**

**what**

**no**

**shut up**

**just do it pls**

**I’ll buy mom’s and dad’s presents for you**

**…**

**birthdays and christmas**

**okay**

**do it pls**

**just a quick look**

**make sure he sees it**

**I’m gonna lose my job**

**you’re the best**

oOoOo

That’s how Buck finds himself in the showers the next day. The scene is pretty much the same as yesterday. They’ve just returned from a call and it’s just Chim, Eddie, and him taking a shower.

He curses Maddie internally. He just wanted to test his theory with Eddie again, to enjoy this delightful tension between them, pushing and pulling to prove Eddie is indeed interested. But he has to look at Chim’s dick aka his sister’s boyfriend’s dick aka his coworker’s dick. How is this his life?

Let’s get it over with. He makes sure Chim is looking at him and darts a look to Chim’s dick, keeping his face neutral.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Chim stand a bit taller, and Buck doesn’t know what the fuck is going on in his sister’s relationship and he’s too afraid to ask.

He tries to go on with his shower as if everything was normal, as if he just didn’t look at Chim’s dick when he wanted to look at Eddie’s, which he won’t do now because it feels weird.

He’s thinking of other ways of testing his theory, of pushing Eddie to get more proof of his attraction when… he notices Eddie looking at Chim’s dick. What.

Oh god. How can he be so stupid? He feels ridiculous because Eddie was never looking just at him, he was staring in general. There was nothing special about him. Oh, fuck, he spent a long time yesterday looking at Eddie. This is embarrassing. 

He ends his shower and leaves to get changed. Frustrated and disappointed because he had gotten his hopes up, thinking maybe Eddie was attracted to men, to him.

They are chilling on the couches, watching some medical TV show Buck can’t recognize. Chim and Hen sitting on the one facing the TV, Eddie, and Buck on one of the side ones, and Bobby on the other one.

On the TV, a very attractive doctor appears, wearing the white coat, with his hair slicked back and a beautiful smile. Buck can’t help saying, “Damn he’s hot.”

Right next to him, Eddie shrugs, “I like them taller.”

Four pairs of wide eyes turn to him. “What?” Chim is the first to react.

Hen, with a smile playing on her lips, asks, “You like men?”

“I’m bi, guys. I’ve told you before,” Eddie answers casually as if it were common knowledge, as if Buck’s world hadn’t just crumbled. 

“Mmm no, you haven’t,” Buck is offended because he didn’t know it before.

“Mmm yes,” Eddie says, now a bit frustrated. Because come on, he hasn’t been hiding it, “How can you not know this? I’ve been flirting with you since day one.”

“I would’ve noticed,” Buck confronts him.

“Well, you certainly have not,” Eddie answers exasperated. 

And suddenly, something clicks in Chim’s brain, ‘Buck and Eddie like each other’. Relieved, he whispers to himself, “There’s nothing wrong with my dick.”

Hen jerks her head towards him, “What.”

Before she can dwell on that disturbing comment, Eddie says exasperatedly, “For fuck’s sake, Buck. I literally stared at your dick yesterday.”

“I don’t want to know this,” Bobby shakes his head, covering his face with his hands. Hen is looking between the three of them, shocked and delighted, she pulls out her phone. 

“But you looked at Chim’s just now,” Buck says disappointed.

“Because you did first!”

“I didn’t want to look but Maddie made me,” Buck whines, “I only wanted to look at your dick!”

Chim turns his head at that, “What.”

As if she had been summoned, Maddie walks right there, and smiling, she says, “Hey, everybody.”

Buck turns to her, desperate look in his eyes, “Maddie can you tell Eddie you made me look at Chim’s dick?”

Her eyes go wide. Damn, Buck, it was supposed to be a secret. Chim turns to her, confused and a bit hurt, “Maddie?”

“Uhh, you were so upset yesterday...” she says apologetically.

“Oh my god,” Chim groans.

Buck suddenly understands everything, “You got all weird because we didn’t look at your dick?”

“I mean, you were staring at each other’s so much I thought there was something wrong with mine,” Chim tries to defend himself.

“Because we want to fuck,” Eddie says bluntly.

“Woah, Diaz,” Buck says flustered.

“Are you filming this?” Chim says to Hen.

“Hell yeah!” Hen says, holding her phone and laughing uncontrollably.

“Shut up everybody!” Bobby stands up, done with the lot of them.

They all go quiet, except for Buck saying, “Oops.”

Bobby pinches the bridge of his nose, “First of all, can you all stop saying dick?”

“Yeah, I’m getting an allergic reaction here,” Hen says, quickly adding a quiet, “Sorry,” when Bobby glares at her. 

“Second, respect each other’s privacy and stop staring at your coworkers in the shower.” He points to his three firefighters, “Please don’t make me write it down.” They all nod sheepishly.

He then turns to Buck and Eddie in particular, “You two, behave. No sex in the station.”

Buck raises his hand in defense, “Whoa, Cap.”

“Don’t _Cap_ me, Buckley. Talk about this and then come sign some forms.” Buck blushes and Eddie winks at him, looking forward to that conversation.

Bobby then turns to Chim, he sighs when he says, “Chim, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Yeah, Chim, your dick is fine,” Buck pipes in.

Bobby moves onto the next one, “Maddie,”

“I don’t work here,” she scoffs, scrunching her eyebrows.

“Stop forcing people to stare at others.”

She tilts her head, “Forcing is too strong…”

Bobby ignores her, and turns to Hen, “Hen,”

“I’ve done nothing,” she says defensively.

“Send me that video.”

**Author's Note:**

> hehe 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think:)


End file.
